sleeping awake

Sometimes it slowly occurs to you. You can see it coming in the distance, it approaches you slowly. You can even have time to give it your permission when it asks you to come closer, when it enters your comfort zone and throws itself upon you. It gives you time to accept it, time to embrace it.

But that’s not always the case. In my case, yesterday, it smacked me right in my face and forced its body upon me, talking about bad manners. I’m not the aggressive type but I became aggressive and we started a fight, a fight that I was bound to lose.

I felt lost until I realized that only by accepting my loss, I  could win. What doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger and wiser. But still, it was hard to believe that it was happening to me. I pressed my fingers against my wounds to stop the bleeding and rubbed my soar body, than rubbed my eyes.

Was I dreaming a horrible dream? But it was no dream, anything but. The truth was I finally woke up, to reality. Woops, there goes gravity.

The harsh reality had knocked on my door and pulled me out of the box I had been living in. My pink glasses had been knocked right of my face, as it whispered to me: Tu vois la vie en rose!

I was confronted with the other side of the coin now, I could see it so clearly, but why had I not noticed it before. It had been in front of me all along. How could I have denied its presence, or maybe I could simply not accept it? Maybe I put it in a corner, and turned my back on it, until I forgot it existed. Or could I not have seen it, because it was playing hide and seek? Or did I not want to see it.

I now feel the pain of many. I can almost see their cries in the night. I realize that it’s a battle they fight. They build up their walls to protect themselves and hide under a disguise.

We go blind and deaf sometimes, because of the material world, the spotlights, that big mouth, that big smile. We forget to look further, forget to break through those castle walls, only to find out that it's not that great at all. 

Once again I realized that nothing is, what it seems.

I realize now that I have been sleeping awake.