'In a hundred year it will not matter what
kind of car I drove
It will not matter what kind of house I
lived in
What can make a difference is that I was
important in the life of a child.'
Children
Some
of you already have them and others may want them in the future.
Sometimes
you plan for it, look forward to it, other times it just happens.
Making
them can be a lot of fun but raising them can be a hell of a job, especially
when you’re still very young or when you start to notice that they’re starting
to show some ‘strange’ behavior.
Sometimes parents forget how important the role is that the play in the life on their
children and how much impact they have on their children, even with the little
things they do.
They
sometimes wonder and worry, ask their selves: Omg, why is my child behaving
like this?! Not considering the fact
that they also play a role in it.
A
parent usually tries to be the best parent it can be, with the sources it has.
There's no such thing as a perfect parent.
There's no such thing as a perfect parent.
Everyone makes mistakes.
All parents make mistakes.
Sometimes these mistakes can cause
children a lot of pain and a lifetime full of problems.
Divorce
I have
noticed that a lot of children who have problems or
misbehave have parents who are divorced.
A
divorce often means that the child has to choose between the parents.
Prior
to the divorce the parents might argue a lot or even use violence against each other, the child may
witness this or even be a part of it.
This can cause children a lot of pain,
even more than the divorce does, and can lead to a lot of stress. It can lead to so much stress that the child
may develop somatic complaints such as headaches and stomach aches. It can also
occupy the child's thoughts so much that the child has trouble to concentrate at
school and so on, and so on.
The
whole process of divorce can take a long time and isn't always so easy, depending
on the situation.
After
the whole process of divorce the child starts to get used to the new situation.
The
parents move on with their lives, separately.
They might keep in touch for the sake of their children, their
relationship might even turn a little friendly or may always stay conflicted.
It’s
possible that after a while mom or dad meets a new person and falls in love and
brings this new person into their house.
This
is often very hard for the children because they might feel like this new person is
taking one of their parents place. Sometimes, especially adolescents, have
trouble developing a good relationship with and accepting this new
person.
Sometimes,
in worst case scenarios, these new partners abuse the children (emotionally/ psychically) , causing
children a lifetime of trauma.
Pregnant
They
say, at least on television, that the safest place for a child is inside their moms
belly. I disagree. The slightest thing
that a pregnant woman can do can harm a child. The use of alcohol, medicine or
cigarettes can cause severe brain damage to a baby. This can lead to a child
with for example a low IQ. Eating raw fish can even be dangerous. Another thing
that can influence your baby from the moment it’s in your belly is extreme
arguing and stress. A mom should not have stress while carrying a baby. Do I need to go on?
Men,
men, men.
Fathers
to be, for whatever reason, may bail out and leave the mother alone in charge
of raising the child. They may refuse to face the consequences of their actions,
which to me is an act of extreme cowardliness.
Single mothers
Being a single mom is hard and I
respect all the single mothers out there, who may struggle every day to make
ends meet.
A
single mom might get help from her parents when she has to raise a child but
often she also has to work a lot to be able to provide for the child. This way
she has less time to actually spend with the child, because she’s busy
providing for the child’s basic needs. A child might have to go to daycare even
before he/ she reaches the age of 1.
Without
a father in the picture children may not only get less attention from the
mother and grow up in a poor environment but may also always feel a certain
empty feeling in their heart and may always feel as if they were not worthy of
their fathers love and attention.
Oops, and now what?
All women
fear, at least I do, that it might happen someday that they discover that their
pregnant. Oops!
Being
a single mother is very hard and you may not be in the phase of your life that
you feel ready and able to raise a child properly .
Abortion
is an option.
Adoption
is another one.
Both
options may be very difficult
Do
what you feel is best for you (and maybe even more important what's best for your child).
Children in trouble
The
most important thing that your child (will) need(s) is your love and attention.
Children
who don’t get enough attention from their parents can develop all kinds of problems and will not
know how to give this love and attention to their friends and in the future to their partners and their children. This may lead to a never ending vicious cycle.
Some
children are (severely) troubled. This can lead to trouble in the families but
these problems don’t just occur within the families but also affect the community.
Troubled children may have problems performing at school. This may lead to drop outs. Troubled children might end up with the wrong friends.
These children may be the ones who might go out and stab an innocent person. This starts very innocently at school when they start poking people with pencils.
These are the children who might end up in prison. These are the children who need help.
Troubled children may have problems performing at school. This may lead to drop outs. Troubled children might end up with the wrong friends.
These children may be the ones who might go out and stab an innocent person. This starts very innocently at school when they start poking people with pencils.
These are the children who might end up in prison. These are the children who need help.
What can you do to help your children
grow in a healthy way?
Just
consider their needs. Consider everything that can influence them and try to
influence them in the positive way.
·
Think
about that baby in your belly when you bring any alcoholic substance to your
mouth
·
Think
about that baby in your belly when you feel like extreme arguing with your
partner.
·
Think
about your baby when you give it away for adoption. Ask family to help you take
care of it if you can’t do it on your own.
I think adoption should be considered as last resort.
·
Think
about your baby when you drop it at the daycare every day and drive away, to
pick it up 10 hours later to put it in bed the instance you get home.
·
Another
thing you should keep in mind. Maybe your child loves eating but don’t let it
too much weight. A lot of children get teased because of too much weight. This
can lead to a very low self esteem and in a very extreme case to a depressed child.
·
Think
about your child when you’re going through a divorce. It’s hard enough for a
child to see his family falling apart but try to handle divorcing in a healthy
way. This child should have contact with his/her mother and with his/ her father.
Only when this is healthy contact that benefits the child of course.
·
After
the divorce when you decide to bring a new partner in your life talk to your
child about it and pay good attention at the way your new partner treats your
child. Don’t ever let someone harm your own flesh and blood. Don’t let them
abuse your child in any way. Unfortunately this happens a lot.
When
you see a child misbehaving, wrecking stuff, pushing, pulling and hitting
people. When you see the faces of youth on TV or in the newspaper. The criminals you see in the media, were once
troubled children. In a way, they didn't choose to become what they are.
All
children, not just troubled children need love.
Don’t hit a child who misbehaves, kiss it.
Try
to look further than the aggressive behavior or the hyperactivity. A child may behave badly but that does not mean it's a bad child.
Try to look further and you will
see a troubled heart that’s longing for love ( literately screaming for it).
Mistakes
happen. We’re all human and it's in the human nature to err. We all make mistakes.
It
often happens that a child get’s conceived accidentally. You can call this a
mistake even tough I don’t consider a child a mistake ever , but when you make
this “mistake” it’s “your mistake” to fix. So fix it.
Accept
what you brought into the world. Accept what you created. Consider its needs
from the moment you feel it growing in the belly. As the child grows, listen
to what it has to say. Pay attention to its behavior and act on it.
It’s
yours and all it needs is love, attention, affection and protection.
Give
your children the chance of having a successful future and a happy life. Be a
good example to them so they can be a good example to the community and to
their own children later. Break the chain of never ending trouble in families
and in the community. End the never
ending suffering of children.
Every
child is a part of our future and a troubled child is a part of a troubled
future for all of us. So show children love and teach them how to love,
because the truth is, love is all we need.
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