Sorry, I didn't see you!

9 days left and my vacation will be over and 2 days later I'll start going to class again. I'll be going back to my life that I've build up there. 9 days left and I'll be going home. 

The weird thing is that I said the same thing when I took the plane and flew to this island where I was born and have lived for 14 years of my life:'I'm going home.' 

Weird enough it doesn't feel much like home anymore. It feels weird, not like I expected.
On the other hand it does feel like vacation.  There's nothing I have to do and I don't feel like doing a lot either, so I don't. I did have my plans  but since I got here they went right out of the window. Sometimes I'm just terribly lazy and other times I just don't know what to do. And it's then that I remember how it used to feel. Why I wanted to leave this island and go somewhere new and start over. I remember how it used to feel to wake up and ask myself the question:'What the hell am I going to do today?'
Some people call doing nothing relaxing. To me 'doing nothing' often equals boredom.

But 'Home is where the heart is', they say. 
I love my family. I'm the family type of person. The kind of person who loves to sit in the living room all day in the company of others and never uses her own room. Who'd move all her homework to the living room and enjoys board games and movie nights and breakfast together and teatime, days at the beach and family reunions. And I sure love days like today: A whole day at grandma's.

Family sure means a lot to me but it isn't everything.
I went out a few times and felt terribly lonely and annoyed. All my friends moved to Holland and most of the people I did see were the people I did not want to see or did not care to see. I'm not always the social type. 

I can pass by you without seeing you if I don't want to. I'm pretty good at walking around people or looking the other way. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to you because I don't like you, maybe I don't like the friend you're with,  but sometimes it's also because it seems akward: I don't think I'll know what to say. Maybe it's easier to avoid you than to bump into you and have an akward conversation. I will probably make a fool out of myself.
Yeah, I can be a bit of social wreck. 

So in about 9 days I will leave this island and I probably didn't see you or maybe I have even made it clear that I did not want to see you at all, after our paths crossed. Maybe it's because I don't find you interesting or because I don't think you really care. Maybe we've never really been friends. Maybe I got nervous or I feel like I've let you down. Maybe I was busy doing nothing at all. 
And I can think of more maybe's. But in about 9 days I can say:'I was on the island and no, I have not seen you.' The truth is that I don't really know why but it's something I have to work on.