The truth is...

I remember that it was Valentine's day but you said you thought Valentine's day was stupid, so we didn't do anything special. The truth is I do like to do something special on Valentine's day and any other day but also on Valentine's day.
 I came to your house anyway, even though we didn't do anything special and even though I really did want to do something special.
The truth is, YOU didn't do anything special. I bought you a mug, a 500 ml mug because you used to drink so much tea that I thought it would make things easier for you if you had a really big one, like yourself. I personalized the mug and wrote: 'If me & myself fall in love, who's going to be there for I. ? And I thought that it would be me but I guess I was wrong.

Now I'm sitting here and thinking about what you've done with that mug. Do you still use it and do you read it every time you make yourself some tea, like I used to make for you, or did you throw it away? And if you read it do you regret all the love you have always showed towards yourself but not towards me or do you smile because you still love yourself so much that it really doesn't matter that I'm gone?

And that painting I gave you because I really thought I would never leave and be strong enough to stay, is it still hanging there do you still look at it at least once in a while, while you're sitting on your comfortable couch playing your basketball games and watching things on youtube, or did you throw it away? You never really told me that you liked it. You've only said 'Yes' when I, a little dissapointed because you didn't say it yourself, asked you if you did. Did you really?

I remember that it was my birthday and you arrived very late and made a special entrance like the celebrity I thought you were, but the truth is that it was my birthday and that you were very late.  You walked in empty  handed and acted as if I just had to be very happy that you came and I was. You sat there and observed my friends and I hoped that you would like them but the truth is that I would have been happier if you'd joined them.
After a while you said you had to ask me something and my heart skipped a beat but it turned out you had to ask me if it was okay if you could leave early. I thought back then that it was really sweet of you to ask if I thought it was okay if you left early and I said I understood and I did but it still hurt, and the truth is that it was my birthday and that you don't leave early when it's your girlfriend's birthday or any one you really care about's birthday. You stay.

I remember that a friend of mine once brought me flowers that she got from her boyfriend that sent them to her from Curacao to Holland. She had to go on vacation and she asked if I could keep them so they would not go to waste, I love flowers so I was happy to keep them for her.  I asked why you never bought me flowers or did romantic things and you said 'I'm not her boyfriend. '

I remember that I made you breakfast in the morning, while you were outside smoking a joint with your neighbor and I remember that you never turned off the TV or your playstation when I had cooked for us and wanted to eat together, while having a conversation.
I remember that you usually let your food turn cold because you had to finish your game or something else first. The truth is I love to have conversations while eating but I now realize we never really had good conversations and the truth is I felt really offended that you let my food, that I cooked for you with so much love, turn cold because your games and everything else seemed to be more important.

I remember I once said that painting should be a sport, because it always tires me out so much. You said that 'it isn't', and then I said 'but it should be', and you repeated : 'but it isn't.' I also remember that time when I wanted to talk about something but you said you had bigger things on your mind.

I remember talking about the memories we had made together and you would always say that I should stop repeating myself. The truth is that you were so good to me at the beginning of everything, that I thought that if I would keep repeating those things you used to do you'd maybe realize how much I appreciated that time, at the very beginning, that you actually tried to make me happy. I remember I used to say that I had noticed that you didn't try so hard anymore and you would say that indeed you didn't.

I remember the massage I gave you as a surprise and I actually went on youtube to learn how to do it and I remember the massage I once asked for but that I never got.

When I asked you if you still wanted to be in a relationship with me, you said that it was my choice and when I asked what you would think if I broke up with you, you said that people break up every day and that you wouldn't die, so after I knew that you wouldn't die (really nice to know) and since it was my choice ( You didn't really seem to care, like always) , I broke up with you.

...

But the truth is I really needed that massage  and some appreciation and I really needed you to try and to give a shit sometimes, because I tried so hard and your indifference really broke my heart.
The truth is that I'm done trying and I'm done begging you to try, but it will take a while to pick up all the pieces.