bad dad, good dad..

There was a time in my life where I wanted to be like everyone else,
I wanted to do what everyone did.

It was a time where I still needed permission from my parents. If I asked my mom she would tell me to ask my dad so I turned to my dad and I asked him if I could.
Before I asked the question I already knew the answer, but I still asked, because you never knew, maybe my dad had woken up in an extremely good (and a bit crazy) mood.

The answer he gave me, was the answer I always got but I still could not accept it. It always got me angry. It made me furious, because 'It was so unfair!' I would scream 'I hate you', but I don't and never really did, slam doors, run up the stairs as loudly as possible, jump on my bed and cry.



My dad always told me the same thing. 'NO!'
'But every one can , why can't I? '
He used to tell me and I will never forget this:
  'Because you're not every one.'

My mother was always the sweet one, the reasonable one, the caring one.
My dad was always 'the bad man', the unreasonable one, the strict one, the one who disciplined us and spanked us.
Sometimes I wanted him to leave me alone. Sometimes I wanted him to not be there, but my dad was always there.
Back then I used to hate the things he did. I did not understand why. I didn't think it made any sense.
 It was unfair that my friends could go out when they were 15 and I couldn't.

It was unfair that...
A lot of things were unfair.

Years later I look back at those times
and I'm not saying that everything my dad did was necessary,
and that his approach was always right,
but his intentions were.
I smile and laugh about everything that happened, everything I went through.
Now that I look back I do understand,
and I'm thankful for everything my dad did.

He used to comb my hair (because I was in this phase where my hair had to look perfect, but it never did),
he used to cook for me and my siblings every day,
he stayed home for us,
and always watched over us,
always protected us.


I'm thankful for everything my dad thought me.
He thought me (for example) that..
I don't have to be like everyone else, that it's OK to be the way I am and to do things differently.
He thought me discipline and respect towards others
and he thought me to work for what I want.
He once told me: ' Don't be good. Be the best.'

I will dad.

I will make you proud.

I love you.