Ohana

In 10 days it will be exactly two years ago,
but I remember it if as if it were yesterday.
My aunt and my mother had helped me pack my suitcase.
I picked my little cousin up and hugged him, held him very firmly, and put him back down with eyes full of tears.
I said my farewell. He was only 5 years old but I felt that he knew I was leaving to a place very far away. Right before he jumped into the car and before my aunt drove away in the night, he asked me: " Xenia, when are you coming back?".
I cry every time I think about that moment, that was so sad but so beautiful at the same time. I looked at him with tears running down my cheek and I said: " I don't know".
I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep.

I've flown in an airplane more times than I can remember and have moved three times in my life.
We, my parents and brother and sister and I moved away from the island where I was born when I was 8.I remember how I cried that day at the airport. The whole family came and said farewell.

We returned a year or two later for a vacation. I remember how hard it was and still is every time I have to say goodbye again.

Back then I kept in touch with my grandparents by sending them emails and postcards and letters. My grandmother and I sent each other e-mails almost every day. We lived divided for 6 or 7 years and went on vacation several times. I still smile when I remember how we always packed a bag full of cookies and chips and more unhealthy stuff and games just to get us through the 9/10 hour flight.

I had a great time living here for 6 or 7 years. I enjoyed it and having lived here in the past benefits me in so many ways right now but I can still remember how happy I was when I got on that plane with my sister, that took us back to the island where we were born, and the family we left behind and that took us back home.

My mother was finished with studying, the reason we came here in the first place. I was 14 back then. My mother had decided that is was time to go back home for good.

I'm so grateful to her for making that decision. She gave me the opportunity to spend time with my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and to play with my cousins and see them learn and grow. I got the chance to be on birthdays and to decorate cakes and experience the warmth and happiness when our family got together.

I enjoyed every thing for as long as it lasted and made family visits as much as possible.

a few cakes, one decorated for my mother,
and the others for my cousins

I've always had a really tight bond with my family, but I was also in my teenage years. Why choose if you can have the best of both worlds?
There's not a single boyfriend of mine that I had back then, that my grandfather didn't get to meet, if he wanted it or not,  and my best friends sometimes came to visit at my grandparents house, that felt like a second home to me.

My grandfather always had a good laugh when a "relationship" of mine ended just as fast as it had started. "Where's that guy? What's his name again', he used to ask me. I would sigh and laugh. It kind of felt like our thing.

The years flew and I knew that I had to leave again. At first I didn't want to go. But in life you have to make choices so two years ago after living on the island for 5 years I chose to move away to live here in the Netherlands again.

It's easier now to stay in touch with my family members that live there. We can talk on skype and we can keep in touch on facebook. I also have a lot of family here and an uncle in the USA and another cousin in France.

One of cousins who's 9 now, already has facebook and my other cousins who are 12 and 14 right now, if I'm not mistaken, have also been active on facebook for a while.  They're turning into big boys already and tell me about their 'girlfriends', which makes me laugh.
I notice that they're changing but I have no clue of what goes on in their heads. I know they must be going to rough times, when I hear about certain things that are going on there, but I have no clue of what keeps them busy.

My youngest cousin who I'm really fund of,  is 7 now and growing fast. My grandmother tells me stories about him now and then.
The last time I saw him he was still missing a few of his milk teeth. It was taking forever for his other teeth to appear. We laughed about it.

I talk to my 9 year old cousin on facebook now and then. We have simple conversations, conversations you can have with a 9 year old. We see each other on skype when they're at my grandmothers house and she and her little brother laugh through the camera, still thinking it a little weird in a way to see me sitting here almost 5000 miles away from them.


I try to remember all the birthdays and I even try to attend the birthday parties through skype,  but it's different of course and it's usually around 4 o'clock a.m. here because of the time difference.
The virtual hugs I get aren't that warm, but their laughter and talking does fill my room and embraces me in a way.

A year ago or something, I met with my first cousins once removed, I try to see them now and then, even with everyone having busy lives and living far away and such, and they told me stories about how they used to race with my brother and I sitting in our baby carriage,
and all I know is that I want to be able to tell those type of stories later too..
the stories that start with .." I remember when.."
and then we'll have a good laugh about it together.


It might be weird and a lot of people will not agree, to think a bond with your family (with your parents and brothers and sister but also with your uncles, aunts, grandparents and first, second, even third cousins) is as important as I do,
and I don't know how come I feel this way...

All I know is that I feel blessed with my family,
and that it matters more than anything in the world to me.

More posts about family:

• alles is familie!
• ode aan mijn beste vriend