Wouldn't that be nice?

My head is full of memories of the past.
Your presence still lingers around me and sometimes I see you outside.
Sometimes you kiss me when I close my eyes and sometimes I feel the warmth of your body and your arms around me in bed.

It is only in my dreams that we meet and that you act romantic as if I'm special,
and then you tell me you love me and that you care even tough you've never have.
It is then that I tell you about my daily life
and you act interested and then you tell me about yours and I listen.

We take walks outside and we talk about our hopes and dreams and plan vacations,
 that we might never take, in a future that I started doubting even exists.
This future may only be a figure of my imagination and may only be a part of my dreams. It may only be something I hope for and invest in, even when I know what's at stake,
but this hope slowly fades as my uncertainty and pain increase little by little, day by day.

It would be a lot easier...
if only I could store all my feelings far away,
in a place that you will know how to find, but that I'm unaware of,
so you can take them out and return them to me whenever you feel like.
Meanwhile I could live free, with no care in the world,
free from these horrible feelings,
free from doubt and pain.
I could then act as if I'm happy with those that do trust me and that love me, in your place.
Wouldn't that be nice?...